Bull Moose Jackson recorded that naughty little number, Big Ten Inch Record, in 1952. For those who came of age in the CD era or later, vinyl long playing records pressed 60 years ago were either ten or twelve inches in diameter.
Not that the ladies Jackson sang about were begging for an LP.
No, they wanted him to get out that big ten inch uh…well, I think the funniest term for penis is the one used by the high school principal in the movie “Porky’s.”
By the way, Big Ten Inch Record was covered by Aerosmith in the mid ’70s.
Compare that suggestive song with today’s raunchy offerings. I’m no prude. You have to go a long, long, long, long way to offend me. I don’t mind the sexual references, but I am often saddened by the lack of creativity. Penning lyrics of the “I wanna fuck you” variety seems pointless because women are well aware of what we want.
Jackson also sang about Nosey Joe, who kept sticking his “big nose” in ladies’s “business.” That one was actually written by the legendary team of Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller (Hound Dog, Jailhouse Rock, Under the Boardwalk, and every hit by The Coasters).
And speaking of The Coasters, Poison Ivy is about the clap.
We’re talking about the late ’50s and no way could Leiber and Stoller get a song on the radio that referred in an obvious way to gonorrhea. So they made it about a poisonous plant. “She’ll get in dutch, you can look but you’d better not touch.”
Then again, how can I not insert Big Joe Turner’s “one-eyed cat, peeping in the seafood store?” I suppose some people pictured a feline and actual fish, but everyone else got it when Shake Rattle & Roll came out in 1954. Bill Haley and his Comets cut their version soon after but removed said cat, and put it back in for their live shows.
So cheers to those creative folks who had to find clever and amusing ways to sing about fornicatin’. Then again, before DJ Alan Freed coined the term rock and roll, it was African American slang for the sexual act. KISS vocalist Paul Stanley, who likes to rock and roll all night, once said this about the origins of rockin’ and rollin’: “When Little Richard sang, ‘Sure like to ball,’ he wasn’t singing about football.”
Yes, balls were dances so balling really meant dancing, but Good Golly Miss Molly indeed!